The Mess

I came home from my day and immediately sat in the bathroom crying. Deep deep crying. Each time I felt like that was all that there was left, there was more deep crying bubbling up. I got myself up and moved to the bedroom where I sat on the bed in a towel with messy hair, and tears running down my face. I looked in the mirror and was staring at the childlike version of myself. Holding onto the stuffed animal that my dad gave me and feeling a lot of emotions. I stayed here. I let myself be.

I often say that I miss my dad, that I feel deeply connected to him, that I know we will reconnect again one day but on this day, on my birthday, I gave myself FULL permission to cry and feel what I wanted. I said it wasn’t fair. That I felt incredibly isolated in the grieving process and that I needed support right now. I gave space for all of the feelings.

I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw mess. I saw a perfectly imperfect beautiful woman who was in the mess. I acknowledged this within myself and I acknowledge this within others. We are all in the mess and it’s a beautiful process.

On this 32nd birthday, I made a commitment to myself to feel more this year. To step further into my power, to embrace my mess on a deeper level, to vocalize the mess, to lean further into the sensual being that I am, to acknowledge my journey and know that I am always learning, that the healing process is endless, to check my ego when I am able to, to love more, to give more, to use my strong voice, to march to the beat of my own drum, to know that I cannot control what I cannot control, to continue to support other women in the ways that I can and most of all, I committed to continuing to let the layers of who I am becoming, reveal themselves.

Have you made any commitments to yourself? What does making commitments to yourself look like for you?

From my mess to yours,