I grew up not knowing what a boundary was. I let anyone into my space. I opened up my energy to any and all things that crossed my path. I got into relationships that quickly turned toxic for many reasons but a main one being that I didn't have any boundaries. It's been in the last few years that I've come to fully understand why I need boundaries in my life. Why we all need them in our lives..
Boundaries are the limits and space we create within relationships. When we learn to create healthy boundaries in our lives, it allows us to live from a place of truth. When we have healthy boundaries, we are able to stay in our own lane and be in a space that is confident, clear and loving.
This is deep work with lots of twists and knots. The idea of creating new boundaries in a relationship that has existed your entire life, isn’t easy. The idea of creating boundaries at work, can feel intimidating. But having boundaries will ultimately lead you to a grounded, healthier, more loving life.
Below are some steps I take when boundary setting.
Let's start with what your morals and values are. What do you value in life? In yourself?
What are your needs? What are your needs in life, in relationships and most importantly within yourself? What are your non-negotiables? The more clear we get on all of this, the more clear our boundaries are and the easier it will be to create them.
Be impeccable with your word. Follow through.
Practice setting your boundaries.
Something I like to remind myself of when I'm taking a look at my boundaries is that we cannot control another individual. We can’t control how they show up in the relationship. We can, however, control how we show up in the relationship. We can make our boundaries clear which will set the tone.
Boundaries will be different depending on the person, place and situation. They may need to shift and change as we grow. It's all about you and how you and your boundaries are going to feel. Love the boundaries you've created for yourself. These are only for you.
If any of this resonates and you're taking a look at your boundaries, I invite you to be gentle on yourself as you move through the process.
What do boundaries look like in your life? If it feels good, close your eyes for a moment. Breathe. How does that all sit with you?